Good Bye

There were so many things that I wanted to tell you.  There were so many things that were never resolved.  Despite how I may have spoke or acted, I appreciated you.  I appreciated the advice you gave, though I didn't always agree with it.  I appreciated that you always pushed me to be the best I could, even when I didn't want to be.  I appreciated that you took the time to talk to me, even when I had nothing to say.  I appreciated how you thought of my feelings, even when I was trying to hurt yours.  I appreciate how you put up with my stages, even when I didn't know I was in one.
There are so many things that I took for granted.  There are so many things I'll never get back.  I miss being able to call you when I have nothing better to do.  I miss your hugs.  I miss the way your hair got frizzy in humidity - matching mine.  I miss your nagging.  I miss your letters detailing the advice you were afraid you'd forget.  I miss your smell being on everything in the house.  I miss worrying about you.  I miss you worrying about me.  I miss having someone to call when things were going bad.  I miss calling you when I'm scared.  I miss having someone to argue with about our moral issues.  I miss your religious influence.  I miss your instinctive kindness.  I miss your ability to find every hole in the ground.  I miss watching you dance when you think I'm not.
There are days that I still cannot believe you're gone.  There are days I reach for my phone to call you, only to remember that I can't.  When the family gets together, I still look for you.  It feels like you should be in just the other room.  I don't understand how you can't be around anymore.  I am so sorry that I never told you how much you mean to me. I am so sorry that I never got the chance to say Good Bye.