Boring Day

Mommy's so mean.  She never lets me do what I want.  Today I saw a really neat green ribbon sitting up on the table next to the couch.  Naturally I tried to climb up to claim this beautiful toy, but Mommy saw and yelled at me!  It's no fair!  She did the same thing when I tried to play with some paper from there.
That table always has the best toys on it.  I don't know why she won't let me climb on it.  Maybe if I just keep trying she'll realize how important it is to me.

Also, my Pappaw is gone today.  He left really early to play "golf" or something.  I'm not sure what that is, but I think it involves playing with a ball all day.  I can't believe he didn't take me with him.  I am GOOD at playing with balls.  I guess I'll just lay by the glass door and wait for him to come home.  Maybe then he'll throw some balls for me.

Summer Fun

I had a great two weeks with my sister.  She was in town (visiting from Oklahoma) to get a Missouri driver's ed course under her belt.  She was a little green, but she learned quickly.  Guess who got to take her around to practice driving in between lessons?  If you guessed me you win. . .  respect?  It was a little nerve-wracking to be honest.  I'm pretty fond of my car.  It takes me places I want to go.  I was a little nervous to have a new driver behind the wheel.  We managed to make it through in one piece, though!

I haven't been up to much other than that the past few weeks.  We went swimming a couple of times, which is always fun.  I worked on my underwater handstand.  I still have terrible balance, but it's a little easier underwater.  I actually got to the point where I could hold it for 10 seconds or so. . . occasionally.

I've started roleplaying again.  I didn't really realize how much I missed it.  I know I'll burn myself out again soon, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.  It doesn't help that I have to write a 50,000 word story in 10 days for one of my Pokémon websites.  It's a huge task, and I hope I can get it done in time.  Wish me luck!  

Almost There

Ah, finally almost finished with my summer online course.  I go in to take the final today.  Once I take that and finish the revisions for our final essay I will be done!  I have to admit, I have mixed feelings about it.  On one hand I'm excited to have extra free time for a few weeks until fall classes start.  On the other hand, I was really enjoying some of the writing exercises and resources that the teacher was giving us.

Since the class will be ending, I no longer have to post daily (well, almost daily) blog entries.  I would still like to keep this open though, as a way to journal and play with different writing ideas.  I can't promise that updates will be regular any more, but I think we will still have fun.  If anyone has any fun writing prompts to share with me, please post and let me know!  In the meantime, I'll get back to you all later.  I've got an exciting day of swimming and test-taking ahead of me.

Reflection

                This blogging experience was both new and exciting for me.  I had tried blogging in the past, but I had never been able to keep up any consistency with it.  I certainly hadn’t tried one for just writing exercises.  It was a lot of fun to be able to try new prompts each day.  I did come across a few bumps along the road, but overall the experience was a good one.

                The biggest problem that I ran into was remembering to keep up with the daily schedule.  I would often get busy in my day-to-day life and forget that I needed to write for my blog.  I would remember, of course, the next morning when it was too late to post anything.  I also had difficulty finding subjects that I wanted to write about.  There were several prompt ideas available through the links we were given, but it was difficult to find ones that sounded entertaining.

                Despite that, I was very happy when I did find fun or exciting prompts.  I loved being able to describe situations or explore new stories.  One of my favorite prompt types would say to start out a story with a certain word or phrase, or incorporate certain words into the story.  It was amazing to see what could be shaped from a few simple words. 

On days where my life was more exciting I even used the blog as a sort of journal, which was great.  It was a fun way to share what was going on in my life.  I have always loved the thought of recording important events; I keep several journals in different spots for whenever I feel like writing.  I would like to continue this, but expand it onto an online journal as well.  I would obviously keep my more private thoughts in my paper journals, but blogging could be a great way to share stories.

Overall, I really did enjoy this assignment.  I regret that I was not able to keep up with it as consistently as I should have.  I can’t help but wonder what I might have written on those lost days.  I hope to continue this blog in the days to come.  I hope that through continuous writing exercises I can grow in ways that have thus far eluded me.

Freewriting

I like spending time here at the book store.  The adjoining coffee shop is a little loud, but the people are all so nice that it doesn't matter.  I always know that I'll share one interest with anyone here: reading.  It is that same feeling of community that draws me to anime conventions (like the one I'm going to this weekend) or the ukulele conference.  I love feeling that I belong.  I love feeling like I don't have to worry about fitting in, because everyone around me is already a friend.

I used that word again.  "Worry".  Perhaps I do use it too often.  I cannot help it sometimes, though.  It is in my nature to worry, to stress, to be tense and uncomfortable.  I try to work on being more comfortable around people, but sometimes it is just too hard to change.  Even if I could change, would I want to?  It has become a part of who I am.  It is part of what makes me make the choices that I do.  If I didn't worry and over-analyze things, I would be a whole different person, right?

Perhaps I do need to make more of an effort to communicate with people, though.  Too often I find myself out in public, alone and uncomfortable.  I have no problem with passing conversation.  I can be pleasant to strangers around me with no difficulty.  I have absolutely no idea how to hold a real conversation, though.  It's part of the reason that I have trouble making new friends.  We have fun together and enjoy each others' company, but then the silence inevitably comes.  I don't mind the silence, myself.  I can tell that other people find it uncomfortable, though. 

The worst part is, I have no idea how to end it.  The more I think about how silent it is, the more my mind goes blank.  I search in vain for a subject to talk about, my my head just says "nope".  And that's that.  Not having anything to talk about just makes me more nervous, and it becomes a vicious cycle.  Am I the only one that feels this way?  Why is it so hard to do something that should be so natural?  I have no idea.  The only thing I can think to do is continue pushing myself out of my comfort zone and hope that eventually something clicks.

Forgiveness

The hallway was silent.  I stared at the wooden blockade in front of me.  The knot in my chest clenched tighter.  It has been nearly a year since we last talked.  What will he say when I suddenly appeared at his front door?  I raise my hand to knock, but cannot force myself to make contact with the wood.  I sigh, slowly loosing my nerve.  I glance down the hallway to my left.  My right.  There is no one here; no one will know if I leave now.

I hear movement inside the apartment.  There is no denying that he is home.  I steady myself and knock tentatively on the door.  The sound echoes eerily down the abandoned hallway.  I hear shuffling approaching and suddenly find it difficult to draw a breath.  The lock clicks as he turns it from inside.  The door inches open.  A bead of sweat drips down the nape of my neck.  I force a smile.

"Damien."

His blue eyes widen in a mixture of joy and confusion.  He motions me inside without a word.  He prepares us both a cup of coffee and I sit down on the old sofa.  The one we bought together.  It looks out of place against his newer decor.  The coffee in my cup ripples as my hand shakes.  Damien remained silent.  I wish that he would speak.  I wish that he would yell and call me all the horrible things that I am.  The silence is killing me.

"I'm sorry."  The words catch in my throat.  I don't know if he could understand them or not.  He looks down at his hands.  Slowly he stands up and claims the seat next to me.  His strong arm wraps around my shoulders.  The touch is not romantic, but it is forgiving.  For now, that is enough.

I Am A Fish

I am a fish.  My body glides effortlessly through the cool salt water.  I emerge, my head breaking the stillness of the water.  It rolls down my neck to rejoin with the larger body of itself.  A smile plays across my face.  Deep breath.  I submerge again, letting myself fall down into the darkness.  The stroke of my arms plays out a rhythm that pulses through the water around me.  The world is muted through this glimmering pool.  The music of the water is all that I can hear.

I open my eyes to the engulfing darkness.  My eyes filter the small amount of light that has found its way here.  A small bubble escapes my lips and dances towards the sun.  It seems so alive that I send more after it.  They bob towards the surface with uniformed chaos.  A small twist of my hips gives me a view of the sun.  It shimmers and twists down at me.  The ripples play across it like old friends causing it to sway to the water's tune.

My lungs burn and I am once again forced to surface.  The sun beats hot against my naked head and my eyes squint in the bright light.  I sigh and allow my lower body to float to the surface.  I lie on my back and close my eyes.  The sun paints an orange and pink tapestry across my eyelids.  It is almost time to leave now, the real world is calling me back to it.  I dive once more.  I push against the bottom and propel myself out of the water.  A shower of tiny droplets spring out with me and fall back down.  Hundreds of ripples skitter behind me as I force myself to crawl back onto the land.  Tomorrow I will be a fish once again.